Saturday, October 31, 2015

My Brother. My Best Friend.


I can’t lie to you.  It hurts like hell.  My chest aches.  My tears appear out of no where.   

I know this will ease with time.  We learned that when mom died.

But it never makes it less real. 

And it puts a pall on the world as I see it.  Colors are duller, the moon less bright.  The glorious fall with the colors and football aren't interesting me like they used to.

A bright, vibrant life left.  A friend to many.  A marvelous father, son, brother, uncle and grandfather. 
You never met a stranger, did you.  So unlike me, you always brought smiles to everyone's face. 
That is a special gift.

There is no more pain now, T.  No more alarms going off at 2am to get up for a job.  No more struggles.

No more suffering.

I know you are at peace.

I know you are with our mom now.

Allow me time to grieve and cry and scream.  I know, you are laughing at me.  You always did.

I’ll work through this as best I can.  But you know that.

I will be back to fight for my greyhounds again.  I vowed to be a voice for them and I will.

Despite all my failings, you loved this best about me.

Always our dogs and cats.

Sure, I’m going to cry some more.  I’m going to hurt some more.

But above all else, I will always feel the love of my brother.

And Tom, this is the last ever acknowledgement I give to the Bucks. 


Jennifer Fleenor said...

Absolutely beautiful! Made me cry, but a beautiful tribute to him! He was such an amazing man and I've always been proud to be his baby girl! I feel blessed we had him as long as we did but it doesn't make it hurt any less. I love you Aunt Nan and somehow we will get through this....someway. This is a new kind of pain to me, unlike anything I have ever experienced. He was my dad, my best friend, my confident and always my biggest fan. I miss more than I know how to express but I know he is without pain and with his momma again! Until I see you again Daddy, I love you!

Nancy said...

I love you, Fer. The hurt never leaves, it just gets easier to live with. I remind myself of this often. The world is tilted, the sky has been crying here, but somehow, it's ok. He'll never hurt again. And that makes it almost bearable.

weller don said...

This is why I have always known my brother, sister, and nieces are the most amazing gifts I have been blessed with. As well as the obvious, my Dad, Mom, and Step Mom who walk on water to me. My big Brother has been there for me through thick and thin. He never hesitated to offer help or advice. Ever. He never turned me away even if many times it would have been a lot easier to do so. I miss Tommy every day and talk to him every day. I know he hears us all. And he is so proud of you all. In life. In death. Tommy lives forever in us. And we are all so lucky.